Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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