College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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