I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
