apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
