My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize