I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
