just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
