if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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