i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
