Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
