My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
