i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Success! We fucked roommates!
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