and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
