well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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