i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
