I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
