look no pants
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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