yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
