My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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