she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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