I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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