hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
