I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
