I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
