I'm going to jail i love you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
