Screwed.edu
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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