My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Randomize
