My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
