he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
