i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
