her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
