I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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