the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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