I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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