She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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