I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
