I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
