He kissed a someone with a penis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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