haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
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I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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