we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
