I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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