a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
