Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
