you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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