I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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