Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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