She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
