I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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