guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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