Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
