I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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