hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
