Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
