Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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