I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
