Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
