Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
