You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
