the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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