She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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