Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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