We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
