i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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