I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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