my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
