Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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