respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
